You’re Wired for Survival (But You Can Rewire for Hope)

Ever felt stuck in a job, a relationship, or a cycle you just can’t seem to escape? Let me let you off the hook. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was wired to do under threat.

But the good news for anyone who WANTS to break free? Your native, biological response can be retrained.

In the 1960s during a research experiment, researchers tied down dogs and gave them repeated electric shocks. They were unable to escape.

Later, these same dogs were untied and put into a new cage where they could escape the shocks. The dogs got shocked again. All they had to do was jump a wall to escape. But most dogs didn't even try. They just... accepted the pain.

For decades, scientists called this "learned helplessness." The idea that trauma teaches us that we're powerless.

But this idea turned out to be wrong.

Helplessness isn't learned. It's the default biological response to trauma.

It’s agency that must be learned.

A few decades later, here's what changed the research: If you start the whole experiment by giving the dogs a way to escape the shocks (don’t tie them, let them run) they learn they have the power to control the environment. After that, come what may, they retain their agency. If you tie them up and shock them, they still try to escape. And if you untie them later? They don’t show any helplessness. They run. They escape.

Even after the trauma of being tied and shocked, they keep trying.

And what about the dogs who HAD stopped trying? Who just accepted the shocks even though escape was possible? Turns out they could actually be trained to escape.

Researchers literally had to drag them away from the shocks with leashes. But over time, the more the researchers dragged them (exposing them to the idea that they were, in fact, in control) the dogs learned to escape on their own. No leash.

They learned agency. They learned hope.

Your nervous system works the same way.

That job where you feel trapped? That relationship where your voice doesn't matter?

Your body might be responding the way those dogs did: shutting down as a biological protection.

But research teaches us that you can retrain your system.

Start small. Find one area where you can exert control today.

Set a low-stakes boundary with one person. Say no to one request. Take a tiny action toward something you want.

At first, it might feel forced. Unnatural. Like someone has a leash around you and is dragging you away from familiar pain.

But each time you choose agency over acceptance, you're teaching your nervous system something new: You have power. You can influence your environment. Change is possible.

Over time, your brain will start to believe what your body experiences.

The dogs learned to escape.

So can you.