Freedom Begins With Asking: “Is This Mine?”

I’ve been living by someone else’s rulebook my entire life. And chances are, so have you.

Last week, I walked into a nearly empty diner about ten minutes early to meet an old and dear friend.

This place was empty. Three tables occupied. Nine wide open. Nine.

I just wanted a seat and a cup of coffee while I waited for my friend.

But the hostess, with kind eyes and a practiced smile, shook her head. “Sorry hon, it’s policy. We can’t seat you until your full party arrives.”

Policy.

Not her policy, of course. She didn’t write it during a quiet moment between refilling ketchup bottles. It came from someone upstream. The shift manager or the owner? Whoever it was, I can guarantee they hadn’t poured a cup of coffee in years.

But this morning, when all I wanted was a seat and a coffee, the hostess was enforcing this policy like it was scripture.

So I stood there, staring at a sea of empty tables. Waiting.

And I started to wonder - how many policies am I walking around with that aren’t actually mine? These rules rarely come with attribution.

“Don’t need too much”
(Age 5, that relative who raised her eyebrows when I reached for seconds)

“I’m only worthwhile when I’m achieving”
(Age 10, that teacher who only praised A students)

“Other people start their own businesses, not me”
(Age 36, that relative who reminded me to be practical)

“I have to earn my rest.”
(All day every day, the hustle culture)

These are rules I didn’t write and beliefs I never consented to. Yet somewhere along the way, I internalized them as my own and started defending them and enforcing them.

Like a diner hostess, turning people, and parts of myself, away from an empty table that was never off-limits.

Let’s play a game today. Just five minutes.

Make a list of the rules running your life.

Next to each one, write where it came from and whose voice is really behind the rule.

You might be surprised how few of them came from your own heart.

The path to freedom is about examining what you're already carrying and asking the essential questions:

"Is this mine?" and “Is this true?”

Because you are not the hostess of someone else’s diner.

You don’t need to keep joy, rest, desire, or ambition waiting in the lobby until all conditions are met.

You can sit down now. You can have the coffee. You can start living before the whole party arrives.

You’re allowed to be here.